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19 November 2006 @ 09:51 pm
Why Innocent Kittens Die  
The following crack is dedicated to Meghan and Lindsay, who were just as scarred by my odd comments during "Harry Potter" as I was:


NOTE: This scene takes place after Ron and Harry save Hermione from the Cave Troll in the girl's bathroom during "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone."


Harry began zoning-out in the middle of Hermione's extremely transparent excuse to Professor McGonagall.

There's no way we're getting out of this so easily, Harry thought.

McGonagall looked slightly suspicious, but gave them a light slap on the wrist.

Merlin, these professors give light punishment! This may come in handy in the future...

Harry decided to look at Professor Snape, for no particular reason, except that HE HATED HIM SO MUCH.

GOD, I HATE SNAPE! He's suspicious, too! I mean, anyone who has a big nose is obviously evil...

Harry then noticed a rather large tear in Snape's black robes. Snape's leg was also bleeding.

What the Hell? Why has no one else noticed the gaping wound on Snape's leg? God, is no one else observant at Hogwarts?

(Years later, Harry would think back on this thought and subsequently bash his head on his desk, for there never was a less observant person at Hogwarts than Harry Potter. His revelations about being so incredibly inept would also land him in some much-needed therapy.)

Snape noticed Harry's not-so-subtle gaping at his exposed leg. Harry's curiosity regarding Snape's ailment unleashed Snape's paranoia.

"Stop looking at my supple thighs, Potter!!!!'

"Severus, what the fuck are you..." McGonagall slapped her hands over her mouth and looked absoultely appalled with herself for using such language.

Harry looked completely indignant, and Ron started heaving. Unfortunately for Ron, all the toilets had been smashed by the Cave Troll's massive wooden club, and so he settled for stumbling among the broken cubicles hoping that, by putting his hand over his mouth, he could somehow hold-off on vomiting. Of course, this was a ridiculous notion, and Ron was soon in need of a shower.

The only calm person in the now destroyed lavatory was Hermione, who seemed to be contemplating something. After a moment, she looked at Harry.

"You know, Snape's legs really aren't so bad."

Ron decided it would be best not to hold back this time and launched himself towards the remains of a toilet.

Harry secretly vowed to never trust Hermione's judgement when it came to men, not that Harry would ever need her advice about other men or anything.

Hermione didn't seem to be paying attention to her friends' reactions and continued eyeing Snape, who looked terribly put-out. Hermione's newfound appreciation of Severus Snape's, shall we say, assets, had an unfortunate side-effect: it made God quite vexed.



A few miles away, a tiny Persian kitten called Rainbow Muffin-Cake was preening and stretching on the window-sill when, suddenly, she fell down dead.
 
 
Current Location: Meghan's Big Huge Dorm
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Hamlet soundtrack
 
 
 
dorkyhobbit: Katou Chibi 1dorkyhobbit on November 19th, 2006 01:02 pm (UTC)
LOLZ!!! My favorite has to be Rainbow Muffin-Cake! Bweeeeee!
younglizbeth: colbert rulesyounglizbeth on November 19th, 2006 01:04 pm (UTC)
L-O-BWEEEEEE-E-L-E-S-S.

Seriously, Japanese people are so amusing.

Poor Rainbow Muffin-Cake! She could have lived, if not for Snape/Hermione.
Περσέπολις: snape hermionepersepolis130 on November 19th, 2006 01:14 pm (UTC)
OMFG-WTF-BWEEEEEZ!!

That fic was everything I ever dreamed of and more!!

If you ever see me swooning in class, it will be because thoughts of Snape's supple thighs... ah, so supple... so... thigh-like...

*swoon!*
younglizbeth: chuck norris can touch thisyounglizbeth on November 19th, 2006 01:23 pm (UTC)
Wow.
Ew. I could have lived without knowing that you fantasize about Snape's thighs. I mean, Sirius's (pre-Azkaban) thighs I understand (yum).....but SNAPE!?

You know they're spindly and overly hairy with knobby knees and tiny ankles. Ick.



P.S. I don't know why I've thought so hard about how not-attractive Snape's thighs are. I need to be hospitalized.


Περσέπολις: snape hermionepersepolis130 on November 19th, 2006 01:25 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow.
Maybe you're just trying too hard. Denial is more than just a river in Egypt, you know!
Ali: snape is excited!al_shmal_my_pal on November 22nd, 2006 02:18 am (UTC)
Snape's thighs....no, but if we are talking about the movie here then we are talking about Alan Rickman, and his thighs are a deep and guttoral YES!YES!YES! oh god YES!!!! hehe

p.s. all three of you are ridiculous....which is amazing! I'm assuming persepolis is Lindsay, and if it is...id like to say that im happy to know that the hallsies have you to be dorkadelic with, but just wait if you come see harry potter with us, you'll be inspired by our ridiculousness :)
Περσέπολις: snape hermionepersepolis130 on November 22nd, 2006 03:01 am (UTC)
OMG teh Alan Rickman thighs!! Drool gasp swoon!

*passes out from all the drama!!*

I'm totally seeing the next movie with you. I've watched the trailer, like, 10 times.
younglizbeth: HP reads fanficyounglizbeth on November 22nd, 2006 03:03 am (UTC)
I agree that Alan RIckman is completely made of awesome, especially when you consider that he is Snape, Colonel Brandon, AND The Metatron. How can you go wrong?!

Anyway, Lindsay is, indeed, Persepolis130. Heh.

I dunno if she will be all that shocked by our HP antics, considering she watched the teaser trailer more than I did! I feel ashamed.
Alial_shmal_my_pal on November 22nd, 2006 02:19 am (UTC)
p.p.s. and if persepolis is not lindsay...im sorry for the mix up and have a nice day.
Περσέπολις: snape hermionepersepolis130 on November 22nd, 2006 03:02 am (UTC)
No, I'm Lindsay!

OMG thighs!!
Alial_shmal_my_pal on November 22nd, 2006 06:05 pm (UTC)
wow....we are nerds!!

....

AND WE'RE AWESOME!!!!!!!!

p.s. yay lindsay!